How to View a Divorce

Monday, July 13, 2015 | 8:37 pm

We have practiced family law for nearly 40 years. Over the course of that time we have seen countless families go through the trauma of divorce. Some treat the divorce as a process to move on with their lives, while some treat it as an opportunity to show everyone why their chosen partner was solely at fault for the divorce. Irrespective of how the spouses treat the process, the end is the same: they are divorced.

First, let us say that the emotional hurt from a divorce cannot be minimized. It is hard to go from being the one love in your spouse’s life to being just another person. The damage to the ego is enormous and is difficult to repair. But it is the personal responsibility of a divorcing spouse to accept this damage to their ego unashamedly and to work on their own emotional repair. This will not be accomplished alone but will require the help of family, friends and professionals. The key to emotionally getting through a divorce is to take personal responsibility for one’s emotional healing.

Blaming the other spouse for the divorce is not an emotional cure and causes countless problems which appear as custody disputes over children, arguments about money and division of property. This approach ends up hurting the children and depleting the value of the spouses’ estate. The process of a divorce is simply unwinding the joined lives of two people so that they may then move ahead as individuals.

California recognized the purpose of a divorce in 1971 when the Family Law Act was passed making it a “dissolution of marriage” rather than a “divorce” and eliminating fault. While we family law attorneys understand this, we often find it difficult getting our clients to also understand.

The best way to view a divorce as not as a cure for the emotional hurt from the divorce but rather the separation of two people’s lives which were one.

Law Offices of Kearney Baker, 2 North Lake Avenue, Suite 1000, Pasadena, (626) 844-7300 / (866) 859-1507 (Toll Free) or visit



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