Pasadena Foursquare Church: Reaction or Response

There are, primarily, two ways I can handle physical actions or words directed at me in an attack, in condemnation, in correction, or in an attempt to advise me. I can either react or respond. Even doing nothing is a reaction or a response. If I freeze and, therefore do nothing, I am reacting. If I think about it and then determine to do nothing, I am responding.

Physical action

If, for no reason apparent to him, I push someone, he will probably react to this. His reaction will probably be to resist or even to push back. However, he doesn’t have to react. He has a choice. He can react to it instantly, without thought, or he can give some thought to this action and then respond. If, however, I push him for a known reason, he can also react or respond. He can respond to the action based on his knowledge of why I pushed him. If he knows, for example, that I want him to move in a particular direction, his response will be based on that knowledge and his acceptance or rejection of my purpose. If I push him for a known reason and he reacts rather than responds to that action, this indicates that he is not thinking about what he is doing. Reaction requires no thought Response  requires thought. Even though reaction is likely to be done quickly because it isn’t thought through, this doesn’t mean response, which is based on thought, can’t happen quickly, too. Response can be as quick as reaction if it is based not only on the action or words being responded to, but also on knowledge of the person being responded to.

Verbal action

Reaction or response can be triggered by words as well as physical acts. If, for no apparent reason, I verbally attack someone, he will probably react to this. His reaction may be verbal or physical. If the reaction is physical, it may be to strike out or to step back. If the reaction is verbal it will probably be in the nature of the attack. that is, if the attack was an accusation the reaction will likely be denial or counterattack. If the attack was defamatory, the reaction will likely also be defamatory. If the verbal attack is based on something known to him, he can respond to the words based on his knowledge of why I said what I said. This may require clarification of the reason behind the attack and seeking clarification is a responsive, not reactive, action.

Reason

Since man is a reasoning being, it is clear that response rather than reaction is the reasonable counter to any attack, physical or verbal. This is because inherent in reaction is a lack of thought, a lack of reasoning. It is immediate and unthinking. But inherent in response is thought, a considering of what was said or done and a determining of what should therefore be done in return, if anything.

Nature of the Response

But there is more to it than reason. While reason may dictate responding rather than reacting, the question remains as to the nature of the response. For someone unconcerned about the person he is responding to, the response will likely be based on his own needs or desires. He will do that which he sees as benefitting himself the most. For someone concerned not only about himself, but also about the person he is responding to, the response will likely be based on an evaluation of what is most beneficial to them both. For someone who is more concerned about the other person than he is about himself, the response will likely be based upon an evaluation of what is most beneficial to the other person.

Benefit

Doing what is most beneficial to the other person may sound, at first glance, like doing whatever makes that person happy. But this would be a very limited definition of beneficial. What makes a person happy may be of little or no real benefit to the person. It may even be harmful. Eating a slice of cake may make him happy, but could lead to a weight gain which would not be beneficial to his body. Telling a person how to behave may sound like it would be the most beneficial response, but this presumes that I know how he should behave, which may not be correct, or it presumes that I have a right to judge him, which, unless it is a clearly Biblical matter, is not correct. Accepting what that person says or does as correct may sound like it would be a beneficial response, or, from a different perspective, it may sound like it would not be a beneficial response. But that is not the real meaning of what is most beneficial. That which is most beneficial to the other person may be:

1. Agreeing with all of that person’s statements or actions.
2. Agreeing with some of what that person has said or done and disagreeing with some of it.
3. Disagreeing with all of that person’s statements or actions.

Agreeing or disagreeing, however, does not mean it is necessary and/or appropriate to express those views. Worldly Way Doing what is most beneficial to the other person with little or no concern for what is beneficial to me is not a worldly way. That is, it is not what a worldly-wise person is likely to do. A worldly person always has concern for his own benefit. If the other person is meaningful to him, he may show concern and/or consideration for him, but will be unlikely to put the other persons needs ahead of his own.

Christian Way

For a  Christian, however, the emphasis is on the benefit to the other person, and the basis of determining what is most beneficial to that person is that which is moral and Biblical. This does not mean preaching at the person. Instead, it is doing what I can to guide him. However, this does not mean guiding him out of my knowledge and understanding. The true source of that guidance is Jesus Christ. He may make use of my knowledge and understanding, but it must be done His way, not mine. And, He may check me from doing anything because my participation is not, or at least not now, part of His plan.

When someone attacks me, I mustn’t react, I must respond. But my response must be guided by Jesus and, sometimes that guidance may be to not respond at all. It may be difficult not to respond. I may think that I know exactly how I should respond, but if the Lord checks me as I seek to respond, I know that I must stop that response. I may not know why I was checked, but that is not a reason for going ahead anyway. If I am checked, my natural desire is to know why, but my understanding of why is not necessarily important. If He checks me, I must be obedient and stop.

When someone attacks me, Jesus may guide me to a response, and that response is the only response I can make, even if I see what I consider a good, or even, in my view, a better response. I must give the response He provides me, even if I think it is the wrong response. It helps, in that situation, to remember times like this where I was led by Jesus to a response that didn’t seem to be right, and I later learned how my response, or lack of a response, fitted in to the way Jesus resolved the issue or how the response that I thought was appropriate was, in fact, clearly inappropriate.

When someone attacks me and Jesus guides me to a response, I may not understand why I should respond in that manner. As long as I know that Jesus is guiding me to that response, my understanding of that response is not necessary. I certainly would want to understand, but, if I don’t, I still must respond in His way. There may be times when I pray about a response, presenting to Jesus what I see as a good response and/or presenting to Him a variety of responses that I see as possibilities, and I feel neither at peace with any of them nor checked in them. This leaves me with only one option, to continue to pray and to search my mind for other possibilities.

Friendship and Love

One of the hardest things to deal with is an attack that is hurtful to me. When I feel upset that a friend says or does something hurtful. Particularly if I believe that he should know that it is hurtful and yet he says or does it anyway. It is even worse if he is someone whom I love. It can lead me to think ‘how could you, I thought you loved me’.

A key factor in such a situation is my love for that person and my desire to help him. If I concentrate my thoughts on how it hurts me, it will likely lead me to reaction instead of response. It will likely lead me to feelings of anger toward him and a desire to react in anger. Any attack by someone who loves me or considers me to be a friend will hurt him. He may not be aware of the hurt, but it will be there, none the less. If I direct my attention to how it hurts him, it will likely lead me to thoughts of how I can help him to see things more clearly. How I can restore our relationship.

It may be that something that I have said or done is what led to his attack on me. If this is the case, then I must determine what it was and what I can do about it. If I said or did it and realize I was wrong, I have to apologize and seek forgiveness. If he is misinterpreting something I said or did, I must help him to see my true intent. But even here, where the course of action on my part seems clear, I still must pray about it and seek Jesus’s guidance because, even though the correct response seems clear, I still must not presume that what I see is, indeed, correct. There may be aspects of the situation that I don’t know about, or that I know about and do not really understand as well as I think I do. I must still pray about it and allow myself to be guided by Jesus. It may be that he was hurt by something that he was told I said or did, while, in truth, I didn’t say or do it. When this occurs I can not respond by attacking him for believing it, even if it is something that I feel he should know is not true. My response must be to set things right and criticizing him for believing the lie will only make things worse.

Letting Go

There is also the possibility that, no matter how right my response may be, he does not seem to believe me or, maybe, doesn’t seem to care about what I say or do. Even then, I cannot allow myself to be angry with him. Also, I cannot agonize about it and let it get to me.
In other words, I have to let go. I must continue to pray about it, seeking the guidance of Jesus and hope that somewhere down the road we can, once again, reestablish our relationship. But, until then, I can do nothing.

I will know that this is the right thing to do because, in seeking out the guidance of Jesus, in bringing this and other alternatives before Him, He will lead me to the conclusion that letting go is the only option at this time and I will know this because, when I pray about doing this, He will give me peace. When I pray about any other alternative, I will feel doubtful, uncomfortable, dissatisfied. But when I pray about letting go, and it is the right response at this time, I will feel at peace with that choice. Not that I will be happy about it, but I will know that it is right. If Jesus leads me to let go, I must not dwell on the difficulty, the disappointment, the pain that may result, either for me or for him. I must hold onto the knowledge that this is God’s way and live in the peace that came with this understanding.

In summary, reasoned response is appropriate, unthinking reaction is not. Christian response is appropriate, worldly response is not. Trust in the Lord. Go only where He leads you, not where you want to go.

Pasadena Foursquare Church, 174 N. Harkness Ave., Pasadena, (626) 792-1803 or visit www.pasadenafoursquare.org.