Political Gumbo: The Pain of Loss

It’s been nearly a week and I am still processing the loss of friend and Councilmember John J. Kennedy.

John’s death shook up the city.

I originally wrote this column last Thursday as I dealt with that loss. I didn’t finish it. Maybe I ran out of words, or I just couldn’t find the bottom of my thoughts.

But while I waited for the City to release its statement, after I updated our story two or three times, I scrawled out the “Dear John” column in 10 minutes, because it was easier and it was about John.

Over the past week, not running this one has bothered me every day.

This is the first one I wrote. I think it’s obvious why I pulled it.
There’s a lot of pain in the ink.

I don’t take well to loss. I don’t attend a lot of funerals, outside of family members, because of the toll it takes on me.

I just don’t view it as saying goodbye. It feels more like someone has been taken away.

That’s the byproduct of losing my father four days before my 11th birthday.

Every funeral since then reminds me of that one.

I lost my older brother to a heart attack in 2015, and truth to tell, I’m still reeling from that.

After that one, I put my head down and went to the PW everyday and tried to outrun the pain by hitting deadlines and bulldogging stories.

Kevin Uhrich urged me to take time off, but I told him too many people were crying at home and I could not take any more of that in the morning.

Of course, you can’t outrun grief. You can only put it aside for so long.

When work didn’t ease the pain, I finally reached out to somebody to talk about it.

It was John.

John listened and encouraged me to take some time off until after the funeral. After a long talk I agreed.

At my brother’s funeral when I walked out with the rest of my family, John was there.

I never asked for that, he just gave me that invaluable support.

Now John is gone.

Like John told me after I lost my brother, It’s hard, but you have to forge ahead and keep going.

Well said.

That’s where I left off. I’m not going to add any more words to it. I think what’s said stands on its own.

Mentioning forging ahead.

Former Mayor Bill Paparian is calling on the PUSD to rename the Amphitheater at Blair High School in John’s honor.

John was student body president during his time there.

That’s the least they can do from where I sit.